insanity

one of our nights in taganga we got to talking with ever and primo about random ass shit, lots of ins and outs and what-have-yous. seemingly out of the blue primo mentions that he fights cocks and that there is a fight tonight in the next town over of santa marta, although his cock is not fighting. he offered to take us, clearly we had no idea what to expect but of course we were in. had some beers at the hostel and the homies picked us up in a cab for an adventure. we get to some random ass and pretty sketchy part of santa marta and it turns out ever has to tend to some other business. so it is matt, primo and i that take the plunge into a dirt alley kind of place and discover a full blown cock fighting operation. shit was nutzo. about 100 or so colombians and two tall ass white kids, we didnt stand out at all. but fuck it we said and we got all up in the mix. people throwing money around, banging on the walls of the "ring", hella hissing and other shit i had obviously never seen before. we saw three separate fights. peep it...

before each fight the owners of the cocks (i have been trying not to laugh as i type phrases like that but this one got me) meet in the ring and hold out their cocks to each other (baahahaah) and hiss a bunch, sticking their beaks in the other ones face. spectacle to say the least.

and even before they get to the ring each cock goes to a separate "corner" where they have a specific trainer guy. i called this one mick. they file down their back claw and then attach a claw made out of turtle shell that is sharp as fuck to the filed down area using hot wax as the glue. then they tape it up with white athletic tape, just like any boxing trainer would. legit.

the last fight had an all white cock that primo was betting on. he got f-ed up! as you can tell from the pic and the video that should be posted soon. blood looks real red on all white cocks (eww...zing!). all in all this was a crazy experience but super rad, they claim all the cocks lived and there was a ref guy who jumps in and calls the fights once one of them is all messed up. not completely sure if i believe this as they carried a couple off that did not look too good but primo told us that and he was a baddass so i shall believe him.

folks!

i just posted a new thingy but it shows up below the one below...if that makes sense. if you have already seen "para-fuckin-dise" scroll past it for "taganga part deux". saved it as a draft so it published for the earlier day. whatever, you get it. just peep it. or dont. fuck.

para-fuckin-dise

i gave matt a homework assignment to give me a little synopsis about our week in paradise so here it be:

"Taganga is a little slice of paradise on the northern coast of Colombia that a lot of unfortunate souls will never have the chance to see….so sad for you. For this reason, let us put you there. Why I love Taganga? In Taganga after you spend two days there, everyone knows your name, or at least knows your face. And they genuinely like you. In Taganga, no shoes, no shirt, no wallet, no fucking problems; you are that much cooler. In Taganga beers are about 75 cents a piece and you can find an ice cold one within 25ft of wherever you are standing in town. Most likely someone will just bring it that 25ft to you, happily. A la orden, as they say. I would marry this whole village. There are no stoplights in Taganga. You can get full on the best street food dinner ever for $1.50 that consists of empandas and arepas, while barefoot, shirtless and drinking a cold beer of course. Our good friend Ever, a water taxi driver/boat cabbie, lives in Taganga. His mom makes us hot fish soup and gives us bags of ice cold water (that’s right, bags of water) when we are hung over.
Conor and I arrived in Taganga on a Monday night after that damn 18hr bus ride, which was actually kind of fun…from what I remember. We left Taganga the following Monday for Cartegena. This was one of the most carefree weeks of my life, and probably Conor’s too b/c I’m gonna go ahead and put those words in his mouth. We get in that Monday night, and spread the word to the locals that we’re looking for Ever – ‘tell him mateo is back, we’re staying at Casa De Felipe and to come find us’. One guy went so far as to walk to the top of town to find “Ever”, and bring him to where we were eating. It wasn’t our Ever, but we had a helluva awkward stare down and a good laugh when the guy walked off scratching his head and being slightly pissed off from being woken up, or so it seemed. Our Ever showed up at our hostal door the next morning at 9am to our dreary elation. The whole week, he took us to deserted beaches up and down the coast of Parque Tayrona. Most people can’t make it to these beaches, and if they do it’s via a hellish bus ride and mosquito logged hike, and you can’t even get to the best ones that way. We rode the high Colombian seas to each one, cliff jumping, swimming, and smoothly passing the coves owned by the paramilitaries (good looking out Ever!). Ever’s cousin, who we simply dubbed Primo, took us to cock fights (a whole other story), we met all seven of his sisters and a few of his nieces…poor only guy in the fam, but damn did it make for a good disposition.
These two paragraphs don’t come close to doing this place justice, you can’t possibly do Taganga justice unless you are there, living it. Viva Taganga, viva Ever aka El Rei de Popomon, viva nos vida…."

and now mine which i wrote without reading his, we were together for a lot of hours straight:

...after our insanity bus rides we had arrived. officially. in the best place on earth. picture the best beach you have been to in mexico or hawaii or your dreams even and DOUBLE IT = Taganga. sleepy little beach town of good times and the best hostel i have ever seen to boot, Casa de Felipe. we dropped our shit at the hostel and went looking for Ever. now this dude is a dude who matty and ross met the last time they were there. seriously impossible to explain but he is a huge guy, super animated, colombian to the core and speaks no english. he owns a little boat that he uses to fish with his cousin, Primo, and drive white kids out to this national park called tayrona that kids go to camp or some lame shit. dont ask me and this is not the point, the point is Ever is fucking epic as hell, so i had only heard at this point.

we head down to the beach and start asking around. one dude claims to know him and goes to get him, too bad he comes back with another ever who looks at us, starts shaking his head in some weird convulsion type of thing and runs off. not the right bro. so no luck the first night but we have put the word out that we are here and ready to do everything there is to be done + shit that taganga has never been subjected to. a nice meal and we head back to hostel to start the party.

this night we just walk out the door with no plans and head towards the beach, see a little bar and hear some tunes so we pop in. we are the only people there besides for a few guys playin music and a bartender lady. somehow after only a couple beers we end up singing with this "band" for the rest of the night. shit was too good. gold even.

the real hot music started with a knock on our room door about 10 am the next morning. i answer it and a giant colombian fella was standing there, i was a little groggy and my spanish was not quite in tune yet so i blankly stared for a minute, contemplating this one, "no thanks, our room is fine", haha...i kid i kid. matty comes out of the depths and a HUGE hug ensues between them and now i know that this is the One. the king. at this point our stay turned into shit i never could have dreamed of; full of: empty beaches, amazing boat rides, scenery for days, cock fights, cliff jumps of insanity, booze, local cuisine (both edible and non), dancing, laughing, mosquitoes, ass grabs amongst men, hella sun, cheap everything, swimming in untouched perfectly blue water and good times all day every day. here is the first batch of photographic evidence which does not even come close to the feelings we had (lots of scenery shots i know but i had the camera the whole time and was awestruck):

first pic with the main man.

our room and our view, that is an american "medical supply ship"...good to see we are fucking everywhere. locals = not hyped on that one.

i heart goats.

this was our life for a lot of the time. cards, tunes, aquilas and High Five Thumbs Ups.

first night shots. we were amazed.

oh yes! TU buddy...

it was the girl in middles day of birth our second night there, she was a nice little englishwoman, her name is amy and lucy on the left (not pictured steph who comes in later). we partied that night pretty good.

we got home and matty passed out, i had a photo shoot for some reason. real real gay. ever took all of us out the next morning to some beaches:

after a boat ride we arrived here...peep all the folks lurking around us. it was miserable, i couldnt even get a spot on the beach to chill or swim without running into someone. the whole time is wish i had just gone to san diego and got mellow instead:

those last few pictures have me in hysterics right now and have been having the same effect since one second after i took them. last one is going in the mag for sure. what a good fucking day.

these little bastards teamed up with the other bugs and tried to eat me. no me gusta.

we drank that many aquilas. then out to El Garaje again, the "happening" bar in town. oh man, this place was hilarious and fun as well. making local friends left and right.

late night j and brinky. those little guys were bomb as fuck! 25 cents to boot. then up and at em for an another amazing cruise, this time way up tayrona. we saw every beach it had to offer and stopped to swim at the best of the best.

i think that is all for now...but there is another large post regarding not only this day but the rest of the time spent at heaven on earth. stay mellow nerds...