the Superstar

last saturday there was some film festival thing or whatever the fuck at the victorian theatre in the mission. it was short films or something, crap mostly i am gonna guess because there was about as many people there as read this nonsense. even if only one person was seated in each row there would have still been hella empty rows. somehow the organizers managed to a) know who HARMAR supersar was b) located him from under the rock he was probably sleeping at and 3) paid him some cash to perform post shit-fest film get together. all of this was good news for me and the posse because i am most likely the largest supporter of harmar in his storied history. too bad he doesn't give a shit about me because i got a twig and berries set instead of a vaga-ga like some of you pussies. he loves the female reproductive organ like fat kids love cake. point being is that our crew got to see a harmar performance in front of about 20 total people, 8 of whom had any interest in the weirdness that it his stage act.

first we had some pseudo-douche named peanut donuthole or donuthole joe or some shit i can't remember. oh wait, i think it was jelly donut, ya that was his stupid name. he rapped around in this insane donut outfit rambling about cocks and pussies and poop and other things that might have been funny if i could understand a goddamn word he said, but this was not the case. some real funny shit happened during his shitshow, more on that later, and then the highly anticipated (by us) harmar took the stage with his ipod to rock my pants off with a serious vengeance. by the way, if you have never heard of harmar then we are most likely friends (let's keep it that way) and you should really go look him up. then watch yourself get naked without even thinking about it. if nudity is not possible at the time your pants will get tighter if you are a man and wetter if you are that other sex. enjoi.

look at that mutherfuckin flowy hair! handsome is not a powerful enough word.

so...this is a hard one to explain via the written word. but this is rourke benson, the one doing "the airplane" or some other gay shit. a girl, jelly dumbface's assistant came over to us sitting in front row and picked out rummie rourke and tried to put her bedazzled shirt on him. now this would have been gold but rourke took it a step further, slapped her hand away, removed his shirt, snatched hers out of her hands and started rocking it so hard. then, totally unprovoked, got up and started dancing in front of the stage. at one point it was just him, then the only other fans (most likely siblings) of dunut butt got up too. but everyone was overshadowed. fucking liberace could have come in and nobody would have noticed.

then jelly belly came off stage and was "rapping" and rourke just took it upon himself to be a total part of this shitshow. he hopped up on the back and started humping like it was his last day on earth to gyrate them hips. check the grip!?! i mean you really had to witness this strange strange occurrence to believe it. fucking awesome.

congrats rourke benson, you have officially reached legend status in my book. that can never be taken away from you. big hug.

just warming up baby.

luke and i as front row as it gets. feel that passion? i fuckin was and this was maybe the 2nd song, or anthem as i call them.

really blowin peoples minds. one minute they are watching some super rad short films, haha, next thing there is fat man climbing around the theatre serenading them with tales of drunk dialing, new york city and humping cops that pulled him over.

party started to get going, our crews enthusiasm really has an effect on dorks worldwide.

like this vagina. get some harmar.

another quick jaunt into the "crowd". check the girl on the right, "do YOU SEE this todd? what the fuck is happening in our nice little life that we end up at something like this? take me home and put on dirty dancing, immediately!".

i double dog dare you to find a better combination of talent, sexy and acrobats in the world that this. those 13 year old chinese gymnasts ain't got shit on my man.

well, i am the fuckin best so what does that make you?

if you had a guess, how many new positions do you think harmar showed this bitch? turn an 8 sideways and that is my guess. rumor on the street was that she was bedridden for 5 days. however, on the bright side she also could not wipe a huge shit eating grin off her face either. side note, i believe this is jelly donut kook pants' sister and the owner of the sparkly shirt my roommate was rocking.

this happened at some point. ya, not much to say here except that i was clearly in a state of shock because my face must have been lacking the muscle memory to formulate the super duper smile that i was for sure feeling inside.

then i went on stage and danced for a while and took the opportunity to take this photo, later to be tattooed on my ass, after harmar finished changing all the dorks in the rooms lives.

lifestyle shot. burrito and fired up smoke. get more radical harmar, nevermind we both know that is impossible. thanks to harmar for bringing positivity into a negative world. that and his sexy ass! what a night. until next week my little bitches, stay safe this weekend, i need all the readers i can get...